Oh how I miss you. I can't believe it's been five years that you've been in heaven.
When I was a little girl I used to tell you that my heart hurt, well, since you've been gone my heart has hurt many times. Watching you die is something I'm not sure I'll ever get over. And then once you were gone, it left me with this huge hole in my heart.
As I watched you suffer from cancer, my heart could hardly stand it. For a whole year, I had to come to terms with the fact that I was going to loose you. What was my life going to be like? The part that I miss the most is being able to talk to you. You were so wise and always listened and helped me able to process things positively. Since then its been a very painful journey.
Mom, you were amazing. You gave me so many gifts. As I live out my life, I have come to realize even more how good God was to me, in saving my life, and putting me into yours. Thank you for listening and obeying God when He told you, "Your child is here" (flying into Guatemala).
Since you've been in heaven, my life has had it's ups and downs. Right now I'm in the process of much healing, starting from my adoption to the present. Ministry has worn me out and I've wondered if I'm worthy of such a calling. But God is healing my heart and I believe I will come out triumphant. It's been very painful, but it's worth the pain.
I've struggled with the fact of not being able to concieve. How we long to have another child, but God's ways are higher than ours. I know how much you prayed that we would be able to have another child, but God hasn't granted that yet.
My God has become more dear to me. I've experience intimacy with my Heavenly Father in so many new ways. I have Godly people around me helping me in this part of my journey. Including dad. He's been such a blessing to me. He has the gift of listening and helps me think of God's truth. I thank God for him.
Mom, you would be so proud of Carmelinda. She's getting ready to go into Jr. High! She's is almost as tall as I am and now is in the same size shoe and has bigger hands than me! She is as sweet as could be! She loves to talk. I tell her she's my little parakeet. She is smart, creative, loves Jesus, and loves to sing. She has a love for Costa Rica and considers that her home, as do the rest of us. She misses you too and has asked God, "Why did Grandma have to die." She sleeps with the pricess and her stuffed animals that you gave her. She continues to talk about her calling on her life to go to China someday. I kept praying that in the end, she is obedient to God's calling wherever she ends up.
DeLynn, is the love of my life. During my difficult times he has always been there for me. He has served me, loved me, accepted me, prayed for me and I love him very much. Our love has gone much deeper during hard times. He's the perfect man for me.
Right now we are on a six month sabbatical. God is working on all of our lives, bringing healing, restoration, health, refreshment, more anointing, making us stronger in Him, bringing out things in our lives that are unhealthy. We hope to go back to Costa Rica revitalized and ready to continue the work He is preparing for us.
I know your enjoying being with your beloved. I long to be there with you. I keep telling God, '"I'm ready, when you're ready!" I've realized that heaven is where my REAL home is going to be and I can't wait to see Jesus face to face. Sometimes I imagine what you're doing in heaven. Probably talking to all the international people and all your Biblical heroes, and just enjoying every minute with Jesus. I can't wait to be there with you and see you again.
Saying "I miss you" doesn't even come close to how much I miss you.
I love you.
Happy Mother's Day,
Love, Gloria
