Last night I had a dream about my mom. It was a pleasant dream. That was nice.
The dream took place when Carmelinda was a baby. Apparently, Carmelinda was taking a nap and mom was taking care of her, something mom LOVED to do. I was outside playing my guitar, singing some of my favorite songs. After Carmelinda woke up from her nap, mom came outside and brought Carmelinda to me. I remember saying, "Carmelinda, shall we sing together."
I wish my dream had lasted longer. I always do, when it involves seeing mom in my dream. I don't like it when I dream and mom is sick. That's when I wake up from my dream feeling sad.
I miss mom, very much. It's almost been six years since she's passed away. All I can say is that grief is just hard. Actually, it's more than hard. Most days and weeks I'm good but then it hits me. And when it hits me, the grief lingers awhile. To be honest, I don't like grief. It hurts. So what do I do to get through it? Well, the pschychological side of me wants to analyze all my feelings and emotions first. That takes a few days! I go though many emotions in those few days. Sometimes, I feel lonely, discourage, sad, and angry, and the list goes on. But in the end, I do what I know God wants me to do from the beginning, and that is RUN to Him. Why don't I do that first? Probably, because I'm stubborn and prideful. I think I can get through grief on my own. But I simply can't. Why do I insist on carrying this burden of grief? When He says,
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I willl give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30 NIV
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"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. Learn the unforce rhythms of frace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-30 The Message
He's clearly telling me REST. Quit taking this upon yourself, Gloria! "Get away with me..." I think that's the key. But sometimes, I like to wellow in my sorrows! Sometimes I don't have time to get away! Sometimes it's too painful!
But then He says to me, "But the reward is amazing, Gloria, you will live free and light."
