Mom’s ups
and downs continued. Two weeks after I arrived in Ohio, mom seemed to be very
well! She even played scrabble with her sister Lovina, who can come for a
visit! My return ticket was for July 13. I felt confused as to what God was
doing. I was expecting to see mom get worse, but instead we saw her getting better!
She also went to church with dad and shocked everybody! I don’t want my readers
to think I wanted mom to die, not at all! But my emotions were anticipating a
lot of horrible things to happen to mom before she died and our family began to
wonder if God had healed her!
One evening,
Carmelinda and mom had a race. Louie pushed mom’s wheel chair and Carmelinda
went on her scooter. It was really cute! It was such a beautiful evening made
with lovely memories.
One
afternoon, Carmelinda was reading to mom. It was the book, Clifford the Big Red
Dog. Carmelinda started reading when all of a sudden in a very quiet voice,
almost a whisper, mom started reading to Carmelinda! Neither one of could
believe it! Carmelinda just looked at her and looked at me and then smiled! It
was amazing! It was wonderful to hear her!
On 4th
of July, my Uncle Glenn and Aunt Arlene, along with their daughter, Glenda and
her daughter, came to visit us. It was
such a nice visit! But the memory I have is when it came time to watch the
Plain City fireworks. We all got ready
to sit outside behind mom and dad’s house. We took our lawn chairs and sat just
outside dad’s office window. Dad was getting mom ready for bed. Mom couldn't
talk but somehow communicated to Dad that she wanted to see the fireworks too!
So dad put her in her wheel chair and took her over to the office window and
the two of them watched the fireworks along with us!
July 8,
2006 I wrote in my journal…
Psalms 65:4,5
“What joy
for those you choose to bring near, those who live in your holy courts,
What joy
awaits us inside your Holy Temple.”
“You faithfully answer our prayers with awesome
deeds,
O God our Savior,
You are the hope of everyone on earth, even
those who sail on distant seas.”
JOY, ironically this is the word that comes to mind
this early Saturday morning. God chose to bring mom near to him last night
about 9:30pm. She now lives with him in His Holy courts! Amazing! Overwhelming!
It gives me joy to think that she’s with HIM! Wow! God did answer SO many
prayers. Too many to count! He is my hope. My hope in something I have not yet
seen. The hope I have that someday I will see mom again. He is hope not only
for me but for the world. That’s what mom’s vision for life was, for the world!
I want to be a part of that, hope for others, in that I share the love of God
with others all over the world, just like mom. She not only shared it but lived
it. What an amazing woman!
I’m still
in shock. I feel sick to my stomach. My chest literally aches. I feel numb. My
body is tired from lack of sleep. I slept 4 hours last night.
Let me
share about my last day with mom. It was a Friday morning, Carmelinda, Dad and
I took care of mom. I remember her sitting at the kitchen table watching her do
her hand exercises with a small rubber ball. I remember trying to encourage her
to keep squeezing the ball as hard as she could! Once Carmelinda came around,
mom livened up! I remember kissing mom good bye on her forehead. I also
remember giving her a hug. Her body seemed so frail.
Little did
I know when I left later that morning to visit my friend, Lynette that would be
the last time I would speak to her. I had plans to visit my friend for the afternoon
and then take Carmelinda on a date, which was our custom every Friday night.
Friday nights were a good time for us to go on a date since mom and dad held a
Spanish bible study in their home with a few friends from church. So after going to the mall and eating a yummy
Auntie Ann’s pretzel, we were headed to Wallmart. But as we pulling into the
parking lot I told Carmelinda I was tired and didn't feel like it. Carmelinda siad, "Yea, lets go home and watch Princess Diaries and say good night to
Grandma." So we headed home.
Meanwhile,
at home, mom and dad were having a Bible study sitting around the table. Mom
joined them. During the study, dad noticed mom was not acting herself. So he finished
the study and ended quickly. As he helped mom walk to her bed she was having
trouble breathing. Mom barely made it to her bed.
Upon
arriving to mom and dad’s house, the hospice nurse, Mary, was pulling in
too. I asked Mary what she was doing at
our house. She said dad and Louie had called her. She went running into the
house. Carmelinda and I followed. As I
walked into the house, Louie greeted me and told us that she was having trouble
breathing. I wasn't sure what to do with Carmelinda. And honestly, I’m still
not sure I did the right thing! But we called our friend, Emily, who was
working at DerDutchman that evening and was coming off her shift, to see if she
could take Carmelinda. I wasn’t sure if I wanted Carmelinda to see all that was
happening, since I just wasn't sure what was going to happen!
Everything
happened so fast! Too fast! All along I tried to prepare myself for this
moment, but when I was face to face with death, I didn't know how to cope! As I
walked into mom and dad’s room, mom was struggling. She had her hand on her
heart, which made us think maybe she was having pain in her heart. It was SO hard to see. I felt SO hopeless. I
was glad Mary was there. She gave mom morphine to help her relax. But the next
thing I hear her saying is, “It’s time to say good bye.” Good bye??? I wasn't
ready to do that! Not yet! I was in shock! As I said, “Mom, I release you to
Jesus, go to Jesus. Thank You. Bye. I love you.” I couldn't even believe what I
was saying! It was all so serial. From one moment to the next, she was gone.
As we watched
her go, God gave me the words, “I have fought the battle, I have kept the
faith.” Life wasn’t easy for her. She lost many of her loved ones already, but
in all of her disappointments in life she kept the faith. She was truly a woman
of God, one that many admired and looked up to. For me, she was my hero, my
spiritual hero, my mentor, my best friend. My MOM.
As mom laid
there, I was drawn to her hands. They were wrinkly and still warm. But a rush
of thankfulness came upon me thinking about all the countless times her hands served
me, comforted me, and loved me, and of course, so many others. I couldn’t stop
crying as I thought about this. God had sent me such a wonderful mom to care
for me all these years!
We had
Emily bring Carmelinda over to the house right away. Carmelinda took it really
hard. She cried like crazy and wanted to see Grandma right away. She was upset
with me because she wanted to be with us. It was hard to listen to her and
watch her. As I think about it, it makes me incredibly sad. Carmelinda laid
beside mom and put her arm around her and told her good bye. We were all
crying. Dad suggested we pray. We did. Carmelinda’s prayer was the most
beautiful and so simple, “Thank You God that Grandma can walk and talk now and
that I get to see her again in heaven!”
Later that
evening, the pastors and their wives from Shiloh Mennonite Church came to
express their condolences. We spent time praying and singing around mom. It was
a special moment for me. I felt supported and loved by them, since they have
been people in my life that have been there for me and were definitely there
for mom and dad. So thank you, Pablo and Judy, Jon and Dawn, Arnold and Linda,
and Jerry and Denise.
God
answered my prayer in that I was able to be with mom when she went from this
earth to be with her beloved Father. I am so grateful for this gift. It was a
day and a moment I will never forget. Someday I will be there too. But for now,
I just want to be faithful and at least half the mom my mom was to me! I thank God for the example He gave me.
