"Missing you, mom"

Last night I had a dream about my mom. It was a pleasant dream. That was nice.


The dream took place when Carmelinda was a baby. Apparently, Carmelinda was taking a nap and mom was taking care of her, something mom LOVED to do. I was outside playing my guitar, singing some of my favorite songs. After Carmelinda woke up from her nap, mom came outside and brought Carmelinda to me. I remember saying, "Carmelinda, shall we sing together." 


I wish my dream had lasted longer. I always do, when it involves seeing mom in my dream. I don't like it when I dream and mom is sick. That's when I wake up from my dream feeling sad. 


I miss mom, very much. It's almost been six years since she's passed away. All I can say is that grief is just hard. Actually, it's more than hard. Most days and weeks I'm good but then it hits me. And when it hits me, the grief lingers awhile. To be honest, I don't like grief. It hurts. So what do I do to get through it? Well, the pschychological side of me wants to analyze all my feelings and emotions first. That takes a few days! I go though many emotions in those few days. Sometimes, I feel lonely, discourage, sad, and angry, and the list goes on. But in the end, I do what I know God wants me to do from the beginning, and that is RUN to Him. Why don't I do that first? Probably,  because I'm stubborn and prideful. I think I can get through grief on my own. But I simply can't. Why do I insist on carrying this burden of grief? When He says, 


"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I willl give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion?  Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. Learn the unforce rhythms of frace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-30 The Message


He's clearly telling me REST. Quit taking this upon yourself, Gloria! "Get away with me..." I think that's the key. But sometimes, I like to wellow in my sorrows! Sometimes I don't have time to get away! Sometimes it's too painful! 


But then He says to me, "But the reward is amazing, Gloria, you will live free and light." 

THANK YOU for Year 2011

If I were to be completely honest with you, going into 2012, my prayer was, "Lord, please, I don't want 2012 to be like 2011! I don't think I could live it again!" You see, "my year" just didn't go the way I thought it was going to!



Lately, I've been reading Traveling Light by Max Lucado. It's been a book that has challenged me and encouraged me so much. The latest chapter is entitled, "You anoint my head with oil." He talks about disappointments and what we do with them. "A dissapointment is a missed appointment. What we hoped would happen, didn't."


We can be like Miss Haversham in Charles Dicken's Great Expectations, when rejected by her fiance just prior to the wedding, her appointment became a missed appointment and a disappointment. How did she respond? Probably like I would have a tendency to do. She closed all the blinds in the house, stopped every clock, left the wedding cake on the table to gather cobwebs and continued to wear her wedding dress, while the dress became yellow.


But we have another option. This is the option I am challenged to follow. We can be like the apostle Paul. He wanted to be a missionary to Spain, but God sent him to prison instead! Seriously, what good could come out of that??? Paul could have made a decision to just sit there, but he took the opportunity to write some letters! Who would have thought? Letters, that today help to complete the Scriptures!


This year, I have sat where Miss Haversham and the apostle Paul have been, faced with dissapointments that have hurt. When I think about these two people, Miss Haversham chose the "easy," definitely more miserable path. Paul chose the more difficult but more rewarding path.

 Through my reading,I found out that in ancient Israel shepherds used oil for three purposes: to repel, to prevent conflicts, and to heal wounds. Sheep panic when swarmed by bugs. The shepherd covers their heads with an oil-like repellent. The frangrance keeps the flies, misquitos, wormlike larvae, and nose flies away.


That is, until mating season, when the rams try to win the attention of his "girl." The shepherd anoints the ram with a slippery, greasy substance over the nose and head to prevent injury. This lubricant causes them to glance off rather than crash into each other.


They still get hurt and are wounded which is the third reason the shepherd anoints the sheep.


But God offers His oil to prevent wounds, but not just to prevent them, but to heal them. Like the verse says, "YOU anoint my head with oil." Thank You, God, Thank You for your oil!


So even though I finished last year dreading I'd have another just like it, the Lord gave me a Psalm 138 to end the new year that has changed my heart.

From The Message



Thank you! Everything in me says, "Thank you!"


Angels listen as I sing my thanks.


I kneel in worship facing your holy temple


and say it again: "Thank you!"


Thank you for you love,


thank you for your faithfulness;


Most holy is your name,


most holy is your Word.


The moment I called out, you stepped in;


you made my life large with strength.


When they hear what you have to say, God,


all earth's kings will say "Thank you."


They'll sing of what you've done:


"How great the glory of God!"


And here's why; God, high above, sees far below;


no matter the distance, he knows everything about us.


When I walk into the thick of trouble,


keep me alive in the angry turmoil.


With one hand strike my foes,


With your other hand


save me.


Finish what you started in me, God.


Your love is eternal-don't quit on me now.

Little Miracles

Last Saturday morning, in Nicaragua, I found myself standing in a children's hospital, along with a prayer team. These children were in the hospital with little hope of full recovery. You see, they all have terminal cancer. God was getting ready to do a work in my heart through these amazing children.


The first little girl we prayed for captured our hearts since she was a year older than Carmelinda. She has lung cancer. Her name is Lisdana. She told us that science has told her that she's not going to live much longer, but she said she believes in miracles. Her young but strong faith brought us to tears. DeLynn reminded her that God loves her and we were priveledged to pray for her and her parents. In talking with her mother, I was able to get a small glimpse of how heart wrenching it is to walk beside your child, from day to day, praying and asking God for healing. The night before we arrived, she hadn't slept well and while we were there she apologized for coughing. As DeLynn and I walked out of her room, our hearts ached along with this family.



The second child we prayed for was 14 years old, a young boy named Oliver, who lay motionless on his small bed. His head had a bandage around it. His sister was sitting beside him waiting until his mother arrived. She said he had just had brain surgery. One thing I noticed, was that Oliver's sister was reading her Bible. When we asked if we could pray for her brother, she said, "Of course!" For one moment, I saw the young boy's eyes open.


Guillermo, was another young boy we prayed for. What a sweet young boy with a huge smile! He is mute. He has a bald head. So DeLynn took the opportunity to smile and point to his own bald head and give the thumbs up! Guillermo smiled. We were able to pray for Guillermo's mother. She shared that she's SO tired and suffers with a lot of pain in her knees. When I finished praying for her there were tears streaming down her face. The word REST from Psalm 23 came to my mind when praying for her. I can't even imagine the emotional, physical, and spiritual strain the parents must feel sitting beside their child's bed day after day and night after night.

We moved on to praying for another young boy, Marcial, about 10 years old, who also was laying in his bed. His leg was wrapped up. I went over to him and started conversing with him. I tried to encourage him as best I could. I told him he needed to try to get better so that he could play soccer again! He looked at me and said, "They are going to amputate my leg." My heart broke! I felt SO sad. I asked if I could pray for him. He was happy to let our prayer team pray and lay hands on his leg. I don't know if I've ever prayed so hard in my life!


By this time, I don't know if I could take any more! My heart was so overwhelmed and at that point I was experiencing so many emotions, but God had more for me.



The last little boy we prayed for was three years old, Jair. He was sitting in his bed watching Lion King. He had just gotten to the hospital three days before. He had just had brain surgery and now they were looking at radiation treatments. His parents were SO sad, anxious, and fearful. Their world had just turned upside down. It was Jair to stay in his bed, let along understand what all was happening to him. I was so glad God had sent us there to bring comfort and talk to them. Again, God's words of comfort brought them to tears. I was so priveledged to be used of God in this way. Wow! The amazing part of this story is that this couple are Mennonites and come from the same church my parents planted years ago! Neither one of us could hardly believe it!

That night as our family settled down to go to sleep, we thanked God for so many things and prayed for our new young friends. I thought of heaven and again was reminded that we are just passing through. As Christians, we have HOPE. I know I couldn't live without that.

L-O-V-E

I love when my Heavenly Father speaks to me!

Lately, I've been thinking about the beginning of my life. I have very little information about my biological mother and no information about my biological father. I've tried to find my biological mother by going to the area of Guatemala where she was from, San Juan de la Laguna. I was not able to find her.

The day I asked God this question, "Where were YOU at the beginning of my life?, God brought to mind Psalm 139, "I was there in the womb...I CREATED you with my own hands, and I created you with a purpose. You were not alone at the orphanage......remember what I showed you?" But then I asked, "But what about my conception? Why did that happen the way it did? Why didn't I ever get to know my biological parents, and what were they like, and what was going on in their lives at the time? Oh so many questions!"

What God gave me was a picture of Him writting, "L-O-V-E" in the sand. My conception was God's way of showing His love to my biological mother, my biological father and to me! He said, "Don't worry so much about the details, concentrate more on how much I LOVE YOU."

Later that week, God revealed to me more of His beautiful thoughts He has about me. The fact is, that if He were to make a list of what He thought of Gloria Carmelinda Hoover, it would be a list that would outnumber the SAND! This is a thought I can't even fathom or comprehend! The truth is, He created me because He loved and continues to love ME!

I CHOOSE LIFE



A Rose from my mother's rose garden.

 This is the evening before my 42nd birthday! I have SO many thoughts going through my head at the moment. So I thought I would take a moment to reflect. DeLynn and Carmelinda are on a date, so it's nice to have the house quiet.


I just got done reading last night a Karen Kingsbury book, Tuesday Morning, and Beyond Tuesday Morning. It was actually two books in one. It had to do with the September 11th happenings, when the twin towers were hit, ten years ago now. I love to read, and this time I wanted to read a book that I knew would encourage and challenge me but that was also a book I wouldn't be able to put down quickly!

Out of the whole book, the words that spoke to me the most were, "CHOOSE LIFE."

It comes from the verse Deuteronomy 30:19, "....I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give your fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob."

I found out that if I choose life, my life will be the TOTAL opposite than if I choose death. God has given all of us that choice. Life and death are inevidible in this earthly life, but in heaven, there will ONLY be LIFE! That's what I want. But in order to be able to experience that after death on earth, I must choose life here on earth.

I've been noticing that lately and even after many years my thoughts have been more about death than life. Perhaps it's because of the death of my grandmother due to cancer (on my mom's side), or my grandfather I never met, due to a traffic accident (on my dad's side), or because of my two favorite uncles, Uncle Phil (who died of a logging accident) and Uncle Mike (who died in a drowing accident) , who both had a huge impact on my life, or maybe because of the death of my precious mother, who died of a brain tumor, or perhaps of some death of dreams that have happened over the years. All of those deaths have had impact on me that have blinded and clouded me to see LIFE at times.

So how to I choose life? Well, today for example, my plan was to stay in bed ALL day! Because we're moving to a new house, I packed all day yesterday and just didn't have the energy to get out of bed today! I felt like I really didn't have a reason to get out of bed, the packing could wait! I shared with DeLynn the trouble I was having in looking at this day as a day I wasn't looking forward to. DeLynn, being the motivator that he is (thank God), encouraged me and planned my day, which included a date, getting out of the house and NO packing! It was just what I needed. DeLynn said, "Gloria, you are choosing life today!"

It sounds simple, but I know this isn't an easy process. But it's one that I can learn and teach Carmelinda! Not only am I giving life to myself but to my family. But I HAVE to continue to listening to HIS voice and to hold tightly to HIS promises. I want GOD to be my LIFE!

How Does Heaven See Me?

Lately, I've been challenged to see myself as heaven sees me. You see, here on earth, at times, I see myself as useless, not really good at anything, fearful, bitter, wounded, insecure, sad, weak, and the list goes on. I take on what others have said to me, encouraging words or hurtful words and then determine who I am by what they have said to me.

But to Gideon, the Lord said, "The Lord is with you, mighty warrior." Gideon argued with the Lord. "Mighty warrior? Right! I'm not that, not even close!" I do that too! We almost don't believe what God says about us!

Romans 8: 19 says, "The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed." We are ALL in that process and in the end, this gives me the sense that there is an unvailing that is about to happen! Imagine God telling His angels and His saints, Drumroll please!!!

"Here is my beloved bride, the one I love So much and I'm SO proud of! The one that has so many talents and gifts, the one who seeks me and wants to be like me, in her I see strength, beauty (inside and out), she's so kind to those around her, so thoughtful, she has done so much for MY kingdom and will continue to be used of me, she's So So wonderful. I'm SO in love with her..." Wow. Really? Does He really brag about me in that way?

The fact is that God knit me in my mother's womb. He knew who I was going to be. He made me just like I am! My Creator.

To Jeremiah God said, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." He LOVED me BEFORE I was born and He wants me to see myself as heaven sees me!

Rescued

At eight months old I was adopted. There are some details I have that my parents have told me, but others remain to be unknown.



I was in an orphanage in Guatemala City, Guatemala for the first eight months of my life. I was in a little room in my crib all by myself, separate from the other children at the orphanage. I was the youngest child at the orphanage. I was malnourished and if you looked at me, I was very sad and frightened. (Mom told me later it took awhile for me to smile.)

For a long time, until last week, the picture of me laying in the crib left alone, abandoned and rejected has really been difficult for me to picture and accept. I've asked Jesus, "Where were you?" I've asked God time and time again to show me where He was.


Last week, I had an experience I will never forget. My mind was triggered by this sad picture again. With the help of a dear friend, together we invited Jesus to show me where was He at that time? We invited Jesus into the picture and for the first time I saw my Jesus. Here is what I saw...


A light came into the room from above. He walked over to my crib and picked me up. There was a rocking chair in the room and He rocked me, comforting and loving me. He admired my little toes and fingers, smiling. He just couldn't stop looking at me. He started singing lullubies to me, covered me with a blanket and told me I could just rest and take a nap, and that He wasn't going to leave me.


He shared with me that He had two special people that were coming, in person, to rescue me and give me the nuture and love I needed, but until then He would take care of me and keep me safe.

This was is a statue that blessed me, of Jesus holding an infant child. God showed this to me after my life changing experience.

My parents were on a trip for a few days in Guatemala. As they were landing into Guatemala City, mom reached over and touched dad's knee and said, "Our child is here!" They had been looking in other countries for a child, but nothing came of it. So when they walked into the orphanage, the social worker showed them some other children, but they had already decided they would take the youngest child that was there. The other children begged them to take them. But mom and dad asked the social worker if there weren't any other younger child. She said, "Well, we do have one little baby girl that would be available for adoption." My parents knew immediately, I was the one God had chosen for them.


My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude. He rescued me. Even as a child, when I had no control over my situation, God never left me, but rather gave me a gift of having wonderful parents and gave me a life I would have never dreamed of, and in the process, chose to heal me from that deep wound that the enemy would have liked to kill and destroy me with. Thank you, Jesus, I love you.