Friday, October 3, 2014

Gloria's Ways vs God's Ways

A week ago I was anxiously getting ready to leave Costa Rica.  I was feeling ready for a break from ministry and extremely excited about seeing my pregnant sister-in-law, and of course my brother and dad. I had bought some special gifts for the new baby and for dad since he had just celebrated his birthday. My bags were packed ready to go!

I asked my friend Laura to pray for me before I left. In my trips to the States before it just seems that things haven’t always gone like I expected. My last trip, I was suffering from a perforation in my ear. I was in an extreme amount of pain and the time before I was having severe stomach problems. I shared with Laura that I really wanted this trip to be peaceful and that nothing uneventful would happen, except the birth of the baby. So we prayed together. I felt confident.

I cried when I left Costa Rica, knowing that being gone six weeks meant I would miss everything. At the same time, I couldn't wait to be in the United States. I had decided on six weeks because I wanted to make sure I had enough time with the new baby and with my family. My flight left at 6:00pm and I arrived in Ohio at 11:45am.



Little did I know what was happening in Ohio during my travels! My brother and sister-in-law were at the airport to meet me. No sooner had I gotten in the car when my brother asked, “Did you hear about dad?” Immediately, my heart sank. He proceeded to tell me that Dad was admitted to Riverside Hospital and was looking at having bypass surgery at the beginning of the week. I was in shock. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I wasn't sure to cry or scream or what! But I kept myself composed.

How could this be happening! Hadn't I just asked God to give me an uneventful trip where I was going to experience happiness for once! As time went on, I began to realize what all this type of surgery and recovery would entail! I hadn't signed up for this! Since mom’s passing, I've not like hospitals. They give me bad memories and worse yet, this was the same hospital! I felt my anger creep up. Then I felt sadness that dad had to go through this. Then I felt worried for my sister-in-law. Then I felt overwhelmed for my brother. Not to mention confusion, frustration, and a number of other emotions.

That night, on the way home I began to let my emotions show. I thank God for a husband and God that can handle someone like me! I cried out to God and let Him know I was NOT happy! How could he let this happen NOW! Couldn't He have picked a better time!!! I knew I was extremely tired and needed a good night’s rest and that that could have an effect on how I was doing. But either way, I was pretty upset with God!



After a few mornings of going to the hospital and being with dad, I pulled out a book, He Loves Me. I had started reading it during my travels and was anxious to continue. Sometimes we think when something “bad” happens to us, it’s because God doesn't love us. And then when something “good” happens to us then it means God loves us. It’s like pulling the pedals off the flower and saying, “He loves me, He loves me not, He loves me, He loves me not…” We tend to gauge His love on our circumstances. Sadly, this is how I often place my trust. I tend to trust him much more during the times things are going well for me. The problem is that my perception is often not reality. God’s ways are much higher than my ways. Even though life doesn't treat me like I’d like it to treat me doesn't mean God loves me less. God’s desire is that my relationship grows so deep and my trust becomes so secure that I wouldn't desire any other thing.

So the other morning I told God, “I’m willing to go through this if it means that my relationship with you will be ever stronger and deeper.” It’s when I surrender to God’s will that God can release His power through me and so much more.

I also started looking at the positives of this particular circumstance.  1) I got here just in time, 2) DeLynn has been with me (themoral support)(He leaves Monday), 3) I had already planned to stay until the end of October, enough time for the major part of the recuperation time for Dad, 4) We found a wonderful rehab place where our family knows will help dad recuperate faster, 5) I am enjoying seeing my family much more than planned, 6) I am able to be with dad so my brother can concentrate on his new baby (still waiting). I am sure there will be much more positives and praises as time goes on. God’s timing IS perfect and I CAN trust Him with it. Praise the Lord.



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