A week ago I was anxiously getting ready to leave
Costa Rica. I was feeling ready for a
break from ministry and extremely excited about seeing my pregnant
sister-in-law, and of course my brother and dad. I had bought some special
gifts for the new baby and for dad since he had just celebrated his birthday.
My bags were packed ready to go!
I asked my friend Laura to pray for me before I left.
In my trips to the States before it just seems that things haven’t always gone
like I expected. My last trip, I was suffering from a perforation in my ear. I
was in an extreme amount of pain and the time before I was having severe
stomach problems. I shared with Laura that I really wanted this trip to be
peaceful and that nothing uneventful would happen, except the birth of the
baby. So we prayed together. I felt confident.
I cried when I left Costa Rica, knowing that being
gone six weeks meant I would miss everything. At the same time, I couldn't wait
to be in the United States. I had decided on six weeks because I wanted to make
sure I had enough time with the new baby and with my family. My flight left at
6:00pm and I arrived in Ohio at 11:45am.
Little did I know what was happening in Ohio during my
travels! My brother and sister-in-law were at the airport to meet me. No sooner
had I gotten in the car when my brother asked, “Did you hear about dad?”
Immediately, my heart sank. He proceeded to tell me that Dad was admitted to
Riverside Hospital and was looking at having bypass surgery at the beginning of
the week. I was in shock. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I wasn't sure
to cry or scream or what! But I kept myself composed.
How could this be happening! Hadn't I just asked God
to give me an uneventful trip where I was going to experience happiness for
once! As time went on, I began to realize what all this type of surgery and
recovery would entail! I hadn't signed up for this! Since mom’s passing, I've
not like hospitals. They give me bad memories and worse yet, this was the same
hospital! I felt my anger creep up. Then I felt sadness that dad had to go
through this. Then I felt worried for my sister-in-law. Then I felt overwhelmed
for my brother. Not to mention confusion, frustration, and a number of other
emotions.
That night, on the way home I began to let my emotions
show. I thank God for a husband and God that can handle someone like me! I
cried out to God and let Him know I was NOT happy! How could he let this happen
NOW! Couldn't He have picked a better time!!! I knew I was extremely tired and
needed a good night’s rest and that that could have an effect on how I was
doing. But either way, I was pretty upset with God!
After a few mornings of going to the hospital and
being with dad, I pulled out a book, He Loves Me. I had started reading
it during my travels and was anxious to continue. Sometimes we think when something
“bad” happens to us, it’s because God doesn't love us. And then when something
“good” happens to us then it means God loves us. It’s like pulling the pedals
off the flower and saying, “He loves me, He loves me not, He loves me, He loves
me not…” We tend to gauge His love on our circumstances. Sadly, this is how I
often place my trust. I tend to trust him much more during the times things are
going well for me. The problem is that my perception is often not reality.
God’s ways are much higher than my ways. Even though life doesn't treat me like
I’d like it to treat me doesn't mean God loves me less. God’s desire is that my
relationship grows so deep and my trust becomes so secure that I wouldn't
desire any other thing.
So the other morning I told God, “I’m willing to go
through this if it means that my relationship with you will be ever stronger
and deeper.” It’s when I surrender to God’s will that God can release His power
through me and so much more.
I also started looking at the positives of this
particular circumstance. 1) I got here
just in time, 2) DeLynn has been with me (themoral support)(He
leaves Monday), 3) I had already planned to stay until the end of October,
enough time for the major part of the recuperation time for Dad, 4) We found a
wonderful rehab place where our family knows will help dad recuperate faster, 5)
I am enjoying seeing my family much more than planned, 6) I am able to be with
dad so my brother can concentrate on his new baby (still waiting). I am sure
there will be much more positives and praises as time goes on. God’s timing IS perfect
and I CAN trust Him with it. Praise the Lord.
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