Saying goodbye to mom was painful. Again, I didn’t know what the future
would hold for mom. What I didn’t know was that that was the last time mom and
I would be able to have a normal conversation with her face to face. Looking
back, I wish I would have asked her a lot more questions.
When Mom and Dad got back to the States, mom slowly started deteriorating
again. Dad and especially, Louie would tell me how mom was doing. He said
having a conversation with her was so difficult. She couldn’t even get simple
words out. And that watching mom loose her gift of conversation was really
hard. She would get frustrated and end up crying. Dad and Louie tried to ask
lots of questions to help the conversation.
On one occasion, Louie walked into the house and found mom packing Dad’s
lunch in the dark. She didn’t even seem to notice or even care. This made me so
sad.
Dad said that mom didn’t want anything that would put her in the hospital
like the IV drip. This was hard for Dad to hear. But we all knew her eyes were
set on heaven and that’s where she wanted to be. At times, this made me angry,
that she didn’t want to be with us! But I also knew she just wanted to be with
her Heavenly Father and she was going to be able to experience so much JOY! I
was selfish to want her to stay.
On April 14, DeLynn’s birthday, I talked with Dad and the doctors were
recommending a second surgery. I had a lot of feeling in thinking of round 2. I
hated to think of mom having to go through a second surgery and the recovery
process again. Last time, it seemed to take so long for her to be “normal”
again. The stakes were high, but Dad thought it the best decision and I was
planning to be there to support him.
The follow is a song God gave me as I prepared to fly up to Ohio to be
with Mom..
Book of Joy
By Sheila Walsh
Open to me word of
wisdom in the midst of life’s dark days
Take away my human
blindness, give me eyes to see your ways.
I am weak without
your goodness,
I am lost without
your light.
Word of God, sweet
breath of heaven,
Shine upon this
child tonight.
Open to me word of
kindness, when my heart is sad within
Help me rise above
the sorrow, singing songs of joy again.
I lift my voice to
worship,
Thankful for your
gift of grace.
Friend until I see
your face.
Open now the halls
of heaven to each child who seeks your face,
Mercy flowing like a
river from the Christ who took our place.
Word of life,
Sweet breath of
heaven,
Love of every love
to me.
On April 17, I flew up to be with Dad and Louie. Surgery, was to be done
on Friday. The plan was to put 10 wafers in mom’s head around the tumor. This
time, we waited alone as a family until the surgery was finished. We were told
the surgery would take 7 to 8 hours, but before we knew it the doctor informed
us he was finished, 2 ½ hours later. He told us the surgery was shortened
because it was just too risky and the cancer had started hitting areas in her
brain that were affecting her speech, body movements etc. When I went into see
her, her head was all bandaged up. I hated seeing her that way.
This time around, I had decided to take it easy on myself since the first
time, I felt like I had to spend all day at the hospital. I found out pretty
quickly that it was exhausting emotionally and physically. I was glad I made
this decision, since mom’s recuperation ended up being VERY hard to watch. The
side effects of the surgery were unbearable.
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