Chapter 5 -Held in Grip of the Love of God

Life got back to “normal” when I returned to Costa Rica. I was able to talk to mom pretty often over the phone. She continued to exercise everyday as well as continued to take care of herself nutritionally. Dad was such a wonderful example to me as to how a husband should love and care for his wife. Louie also gave a lot of his time to help mom rehabilitate.

A song that really ministered to me over that summer and as I went back to Costa Rica was, Sweetly Broken, by Jeremy Riddle.

                                                                                                                

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling

Of its suffering I do drink

Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed

Showed that God is love

And God is just

Chorus:

At the cross You beckon me

You draw me gently to my knees, and I am

Lost for words, so lost in love,

sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life

Have I been given

Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death

You’ve called me into life

And I was under Your wrath

Now through the cross I’m reconciled

Chorus:

In awe of the cross I must confess

How wondrous Your redeeming love and

How great is Your faithfulness

I know the cross was the only thing I was able to cling onto for HOPE. But part of me had no hope. I remember feeling that God was sweetly breaking my heart. It hurt SO much. But I also knew that during my time of breaking, I was feeling so dependent and close to Him. I remember how quickly the tears came. I remember how sensitive and vaulnerable I felt before Him. I remember how I KNEW that death wasn’t the end. He had given us life, throught the cross. This became so REAL and I saw the cross and Christ’s suffering from a whole different perspective.

 In my journal, I wrote…

August 10, 2005

“I try to remain hopeful. I want to see her get better. I would love if mom and dad could come to CR for Christmmas. But I also know life is fragile and I can only take one day at a time. I do think about what life would be like if mom died. I don’t know what I’ll do without her. I know that one of the saddest things for me is that Carmelinda won’t remember her. I love watching mom read to her. Carmelinda loves being with her. Carmelinda is very sad to see her grandma sick. I will miss how she cares for me, making sure I’m ok physically, emotionally, and spritually. In some ways I feel like I’ve lost her already. Maybe because I’m caring for her now. I’m used to having her care for me, cook fo rme, etc. I’ve lost that already. Part of me struggles sharing things with her with the uncertainty that she will remember it. It’s a deep sadness. I just wish this wasn’t all happening…

November 17, 2005

DeLynn saw mom, I’ve been thinking a lot about her. He told me she seemed sad. That makes me very sad. He said she didn’t talk much. I worry about her. I think I’m grieving again. I wish her cancer would go away! I was thinking again last night what I’m going to do without her. I’m going to miss her terribly. Why did this have to happen to her? I makes me cry. Carmelinda wanted to call her tonight to pray for her. I wish God would hear her prayers and heal her. I wish Carmelinda would be able to grow up with her. I know I don’t know the future, but at the momento I don’t have much faith.

December 7,2005

A couple of weeks ago, dad emailed me and told me that mom had an MRI. The MRI showed that the tumor had shrunk a little! That is good news. I don’t want to be ungrateful for it being just a “little.” But i do wish it was more! But then, if it keeps shrinking in this next year, maybe it will go away completly! I really hope so.

Held in the Grip of the Love of God -Chapter 4

Carmelinda was so excited to see Grandma. I tried to prepare her by telling her Grandma was sick and we were going to help her get better. It’s hard to explain to a 5 year old what cancer is and all that it involves.

After flying all day, we got to my parents’ home, very late at night. Mom and dad were so excited to see Carmelinda and I, they got up to welcome us. Carmelinda was a little shy around them. We went to bed quite exhausted.

It wasn’t long until I noticed Carmelinda was uncomfortable around mom. The night before was such a late night. I can only imagine what Carmelinda thought of seeing mom for the first time after her surgery with her hair half shaved off and a large scare of the left side of her head. To a child I’m sure it was a traumatic picture. I hadn’t prepared her for that. I thought that maybe the more she would be around mom, the more she would get used to mom’s appearance.

I started getting worried when after a week she hardly ate anything. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I remember asking at the hospital, where we would take mom for her chemotherapy treaments, if they had anything for children that I could use to help Carmelinda understand what was going on. They gave me a wonderful book, where Carmelinda was able to express her feelings through pictures. The book had an easy way to explain what cancer is. Everyday, we would take a little time looking at the book, and while she would work on the book, I would pray that God would somehow help her understand what was happening to mom. When Carmelinda drew pictures, she always drew Grandma with half her hair shaved off. It looked so awkward, and yet so “normal.” It made me sad.

Two weeks went by and then three and Carmelinda still wasn’t eating hardly anything. When she would sit on Grandma’s lap, she often looked sad. When talking with my parents, trying to figure how to help Carmelinda, we decided it would probably be better for mom to cover her head with a scarf, that maybe that’s what was scaring her. But time went on, and Carmelinda still wasn’t eating.

 By week three, I was so desperate. I cried out to the Lord for help. I remember during week three getting a call from our pastor, Pablo Kauffman. Shiloh Mennonite Church, our home church, had mom on the prayer hotline everyday. He called and asked if we had any specific prayer requests. Crying, I told him about Carmelinda and asked for wisdom and prayer. He said he would put it on the prayer hotline. I was so thankful for that call.

That day was a Friday and every Friday evening, Carmelinda and I went on a date, just to give ourselves a break. That night, I took her to Skyline Chili. She loved Skyline Chili! I was hoping it would encourage her to eat! As we sat together in the restaurant, I remember watc hing her pick at her food. I looked at her with compassion and said, “Honey, mommy is SO worried about you. It makes me sad that you’re not eating. If you don’t start eating, I’m going to have to take you to the doctor. Can you please tell me why you can’t eat?” I had had this conversation with her on several occasions, but she just couldn’t tell me what was wrong. Finally, that evening she said softly, “I can’t eat because of Grandma’s head. When I look at her head, I can’t eat.” I was SO relieved that she finally was able to express what was holding her back. At the same time, it made me so sad knowing that Carmelinda was having a hard time.

When talking with my parents about what Carmelinda shared, we decided maybe it would be better to get her a little table and have her eat there at a different time than the rest of us. It seemed to work. I would sit with her while she ate to help her feel more relaxed and because I just wanted to be with her.

One thing we really enjoyed doing with mom was going on walks with her around the neighborhood. Someone gave Carmelinda a little scooter. Mom and I would walk, while Carmelinda would ride ahead of us on her scooter.

When mom started using scarves, I noticed that Carmelinda wanted to use them too! So I bought her some cute scarves so she could be like Grandma.

Carmelinda was also learning to read. She had a couple books she brought along to read to Grandma. Mom LOVED listening to her talk and read. I could tell she was so proud of her!

God used Carmelinda as a healing balm for our whole family! She was so cute and mom had so much fun watching her play. I loved when we were all together making memories. Except, I still missed DeLynn so much and he missed us. I was blessed to have one of my best friends home from furlough over the summer. Her and her husband saw and heard how much I missed DeLynn and offered to buy a ticket for DeLynn to come join us at the end of the summer. It was such a wonderful gift!

So after crying and calling each other often, DeLynn was able to join our family at the end of the summer after all our teams had left.

By the end of the summer, mom was doing pretty good. She was talking more normal again. She was finished with her chemo and radiation. Everyday she was exercising by walking. She was eating well and taking care of herself.

By the time, it was time to say good-byeI knew my work was accomplished. I would miss my family very much, but it was time to return to Costa Rica. The future was still very uncertain, but God gave me peace.

Held in the Grip of Love of God -Chapter 3

Mom was in the hospital a week after her surgery. Her recovery went quite well. It was hard to see her with her head all bandaged up. She was a big confused at times and needed help getting up, brushing her teeth, and combing her hair. But as time went on, we saw God healing her. She needed to stay some extra days because of some blood clots in her legs, but after some treatment, the danger went away.

I was still having a very difficult time being away from DeLynn and Carmelinda and the ministry. But at the same time, I was glad that I was close to mom and dad and Louie. I knew that if I was in Costa Rica, I would be worrying a lot and would have had a hard time focusing.

I remember the afternoon, we took mom home. On our way home, she insisted that we stop at the grocery store because the fish was on sale at Kroger! Dad and I couldn’t believe what she was saying! Hesitantly, dad went into the grocery store and sure enough, the fish was on sale!!! Unbelievable!!! It was hard to believe that just a week ago she was so confused and couldn’t get her words out, and now she was remembering that the fish at Kroger was on sale!

Having mom home, brought on some new changes. I remember feeling frustrated and sad when I saw her calling the credit card company canceling her card! Then she called some other places also canceling her other cards. When I asked mom why she did that, she just said she had no need for them anymore. I wasn’t sure what to say.

On another occasion, I was taking her on a walk and she and I got to talking about the future. I remember just feeling myself getting upset because she started talking about not wanting to get further treatment, such as chemotherapy because she was nearing her end anyway. I started arguing with her telling her that I felt she was giving up!

I realize and learned later from her nurse that in those first weeks, because of her surgery, things that she was saying and doing wasn’t necessarily those she was actually feeling or thinking through. This helped me be able to handle things emotionally.

During the time I was there, a couple weeks after her surgery, some of her sisters came for a visit. It was so nice of them to support mom during this time. Mom still wasn’t herself, which I think surprised the sisters as they talked. Mom was so good at remembering family history and was good at telling stories, the sisters thought they would record her sharing family stories. But much to our disappointment, mom had a very hard time remembering and got really frustrated with herself. It was a hard thing to watch. She ended up lying on the couch crying. I felt SO sad.

Other times when I felt sad, was when I had to wash her hair, (the hair she had left) or when she needed help walking or when I was in the kitchen alone, cooking meals, cleaning the house or doing everybody’s laundry. These would be things we would do together, not just me! She would sit and watch me. Our communication was limited. I no longer could express my real feelings about things.

And all summer, I just felt this huge sadness. And even though I hadn’t “lost” mom, it felt like I had. Things just weren’t the same. DeLynn and I talked quite often on the phone and we both cried a lot. I needed DeLynn and he needed me. There were so many times I felt so alone. Some of my close friends were far away, and I felt I needed to be at "home" all the time to help dad and Louie with mom. I was so happy to do it, but it felt I was carrying a huge load. A load of sadness that I couldn't anything about and that wouldn't go away. 

I was so glad I had Louie and Dad to talk to. We also felt a huge support from our church, Shiloh Mennonite Church. They brought in meals and many of them visited mom. The other church that blessed our family was the Hispanic Church in Hilliard. Dad and Mom were pastors there and there was such a love and respect for mom and dad! Mom was a spiritual mother to many of them and grandma to the children.

Half way through the summer, DeLynn and I thought it would be good to have Carmelinda come to the States and join me. We thought it would be good for mom to have her around. Mom absolutely adored Carmelinda and was anxious to see her. So four weeks after mom’s surgery, I flew down to Costa Rica and spent several days there and took Carmelinda back with me. It was SO hard to say good-bye to DeLynn and the ministry again. But I was looking forward to having Carmelinda be with me. Little did I know what that would entail. 

Chapter 2 - Held in the Grip of Love of God

I wasn´t sure how to prepare myself emotionally or mentally for the road ahead. I don´t think one can, since every story is different. I remember walking into mom´s hospital room for the first time. She was very happy to see us. I was sad to see they had shaved half of her beautiful black hair. I was so glad to be there. We didn´t have much time to be with her before her surgery that day. But I made sure she knew how much I loved her and prayed within myself that this wouldn´t be the last time I´d have to communicate with her, even though at that point communication was limited.

When it was time to wheel her into the prep room, I remember just being in a daze, my mind full of questions. The tumor mom had was growing so fast, that in 7-14 days it doubled in size! They explained to us that the only way to answer more questions was to operate. Before they took mom to the operating room, dad prayed for the surgeon. He was a very kind doctor from the middle east.

As we waited, there were some very kind friends, that came and waited with us. They even brought food, but I just couldn’t eat. It didn’t seem right. Plus, I felt lonely, not having DeLynn and Carmelinda there and I was so tired because of arriving so late the night before. The time went so slow. I don’t even remember how long we waited, but I remember we didn’t have to wait as long as expected. When the doctor finally came out he asked to talk to the family in a private room.

I wasn’t prepared for the doctor’s news. He said the tumor had fingers on it so therefore they were unable to get the whole tumor out. The fingers were reaching into places that were too sensitive to go into. The doctor estimated that 60% of the tumor had been taken out. Then came the worst news of all; he told us that a person with this type of tumor had an average of a year life expectancy. He prepared us by telling us that in reality, they weren’t sure how much of mom’s memory would come back. So the question was, was she going to be able to talk, walk, take care of herself? We would have to wait and see. 

Held in the Grip of Love of God

The love of Christ compels us . . . —2 Corinthians 5:14


It´s been 10 years since our little family left the States for Costa Rica. In January, 2002, little did I know the adventure of a lifetime I was getting myself into. I remember, Carmelinda was 2 years old. She was just the cutest thing ever! At that time, she was into Dora the Explorer, and explorer she became!
I remember saying goodbye to my family. Man, that was hard! Especially, saying goodbye to mom. I knew that she knew how I was feeling, since at one time she had to do the same thing. We both cried as we said goodbye. I knew that this decision we were making was going to be a hard one, but I had no idea it was going to be as hard as it has gotten at times! I probably better that mom didn´t tell me, I probably would have chosen to stay "home" where I felt  I was safe and secure.
(Just as a side note, mom wrote us a letter, every week as long as she could. Once she passed away, I really missed that!)
So into the unknown I went, with a heart ready to "Go." That was our theme song at that time:

If You Say Go
by Rita Springer

If You say go, we will go
If You say wait, we will wait
If You say step out on the water
And they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come

Your ways are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid
Are good and true
If You call us to thefire
You will not withdraw Your hand
We'll gaze into the flames and look for You


The first three weeks, we stayed with a CostaRican family, to help us get acclimated. They took us to the Heredia farm market, helped us paint our "new" house down the street from  them, babysat Carmelinda so that DeLynn and I could have dates and and introduced Carmelinda to cofee, which at the time we thought was terrible for a 2 year old and told them to please not give her cofee! :)
I remember, our first Christmas almost a year later. Two of our best friends, Kevin and Kristen Bucher came to vist us. It was wonderful!

It wasn't too long after Christmas, when things started getting challenging. We had been rent a camp along with another friend. It was being used for the teams that were coming from the States and Canada. But month by month, it seemed that our vision was different  than that person's vision and we ended up parting ways. That was my first "lastima," I encountered. I wished it had worked out, but it was better that we save our friendship rather than have a bridge between us.

Carmelinda at 2 years old. Picture taken at the first camp. 

It wasn't long after that we moved to a beautiful house in Heredia. Ioved it because it was big enough to have one of our first interns live with us. It had a lemon tree that produced lemons ALL year! You know, the kind of lemons they use at the fair to make lemonade! We drank SO much lemonade!
We were sent, for our first three years, under Rosedale Mennonite Missions, Rosedale, Ohio. But after our first term, the missions agency decided to put their focus on the unreached people groups and were no longer sending missionaries to Latin America. It was decided that we would be sent by the church we last worked at, Vineyard Church of Northridge. We chose a board that we would be accountable to and would help us make decisions and take care of us.
By this time, Pura Vida Missions was at it's beginning stages. We had had several teams down and really loved what we were doing.  In our first years of Pura Vida Missions, PVM, we were able to visit and work in lots of places and churches. It was a great way to get to know pastors and beautiful Costa Rica. At that time, it was our family and one or two interns (staff) that helped us. But it seemed that with vision of PVM, word spread quickly within the Mennonite Churches and soon we were recieving requests for youth groups to come down. Because we were working, at first, with the Mennonite Churches, we focused on sending teams to those churches. Each summer, PVM seemed to be growing and growing in numbers. Each summer, we needed more and more staff and a place to  host the teams.

First PVM sign

The Lord led us to a place I would have NEVER chosen!!! But in the end, served it's purpose and was perfect! But our first years at this "new" camp, were extremely hard for many reasons. First of all, it needed a lot of work! There were cockroches, dog poop, and piles of dirt inside. You see, it had been used as a mushroom farm at one time and no one had taken the time to clean it all out. The place was huge. It was made up of six large cubicals that wanted to renovate. There was a lot of remodling to do and the work seemed endless. I remember one of the first days after we moved, lying on my bed, curled up in a ball, crying, wondering what in the world the Lord was thinking! It seemed  it was a joke to believe that this was the best He could give us, since that's what we had been praying for and believed He would give us! I was so discouraged! DeLynn, on the other hand, was excited to get started, even though he knew it would take awhile!

The beautiful part of the camp!

This all took place in May and at the end of June, we were supposed to recieve our first PVM teams! Were we crazy! Yes! Our staff started arriving, but there was SO much to do and it looked too overwhelming, so poor DeLynn felt like he was pulling a donkey, at times! But all at the same time, we were excited about being in our own place and ready to see what God was going to do that summer! This was summer of 2005.
Then we got the email, and for me, things went down hill. By this time, mom wasn't sending me written letters anymore, but emails. It was one of these emails that at the end of her email, she wrote, "Love, Doris." I found it strange that she wrote this since she always ended her letters with, "Love, mom." But I thought, well, maybe she got confused.
A week later, I got another email. It was an email, telling me she had dropped off my brother, Louie off at the airport, since he was coming to Costa Rica to help us lead teams. And although this letter made sense, at the same time, it there were some words mixed up, that didn't make sense. I thought it very strange and decided I would ask Louie about it once he arrived.
It was great to see Louie and I was so excited to spend the summer with him. I couldn't wait too long to ask him questions. Once I started asking them, I realized something was really wrong. It made me sad.
The next week, I got another email from mom. This time, the mail was just words all scrambled together. None of it made sense. I knew I needed to call dad and ask him what was going on. Dad told me that the last few weeks had been tough. Mom's demenor had started to change from being happy to some one more sober, she wasn't able to finish sentences, she was confused, did strange things like bake a cake in a tin can. I pleaded with him to find help. This couldn't be happening!
That same week, we had recieved a team. I remember, being excited and worried all at the same time. Exited about the team and the summer activities and worried about mom. That week, Carmelinda was turning 5 years old. We had decided to celebrate with the team, Friday night and take them out for ice cream. In the excitement, one the participants missed her footing and slipped off the ramp outside and fell 5 ft. I saw it happen. It was horrible. She hit the wall and fell on the ground, motionless. We called the ambulance. While we were waitng for the ambulance, her team leader, started talking to her. She responded, but she was confused. Some of her words didn't make sense. I got in the ambulance with the leader and the the girl that had been hurt.
DeLyn met us at the Heredia hospital. While we were waiting for results, I got a call from my dad. I will never forget that call. It's one of those calls, one never wants to get, and worse, overseas. He told me the doctors had discoved  mom had a brain tumor and they needed to operate as soon as possible, which meant, Tuesday! How in the world was I going to tell my brother this terrible news! What was supposed to be a happy day, had turned into a very, very sad day.  (By the way, the girl was fine after 24 hours and she was sent home the next day. We were SO thankful nothing worse had happened.)
I remember just feeling numb. At that time, I didn't know much about brain tumors and the word, "cancer," scared me. After telling my brother, we prayed for wisdom and direction as to what we should do. I felt so helpless. I remember feeling so torn because I knew my husband was entering a full summer and now, my mom had cancer. As the hours went by, I got little sleep and felt little peace. I knew my ministry was in Costa Rica, but I also knew family was ministry too. Mom and Dad had taught me that by example, when caring for their parents in time of need. I felt myself loosing focus and concentration in Costa Rica and yearning to be with mom. After, talking with DeLynn and Louie, it was decided that Louie and I would travel to Ohio to be with mom and dad. It was going to be hard, but I knew that's where God was calling me. I really didn't know how long I would be there, but I knew I at least wanted to be there for the surgery and support dad. That summer, we had a wonderful nanny already coming to care for Carmelinda. She arrived on Sunday. As I watched them interact, I knew God would take care of Carmelinda and I felt so much peace, leaving Carmelinda. Monday afternoon, Louie and I flew to Ohio and Tuesday was the surgery. My heart was so torn up when I saw our first summer team arriving at the airport that I was leaving from.  I was leaving one ministry I loved to go do another.


(This is only part of the story, more coming....)

These Are a FEW of My Favorite Ornaments!

The Christmas tree standing in our house this year had lots of meaning and wonderful memories for us. I wanted to write about some of our ornaments hanging on our tree. 

This is the top of our tree! This stuffed dalmation puppy dog was given to Carmelinda by DeLynn when she was being homeschooled for kindergarten. It was her reward after learning some Bible verses that were assigned to her. 

Of course, we have to have a Penn State Ornament and Ohio State Ornament! DeLynn and I love to tease each other about these rival football teams! Of course, I think DeLynn should be an Ohio State fan since he lived in Ohio last, but he's stuck to his Penn State team! 

We also have a special ornament of a picture of my mother hanging on our tree. Christmas isn't the same without her. I remember eating her wonderful German Stollen bread. We also had the tradition of making Gingerbread Christmas cookies together as a family. It's been six and half years since we've had her in our lives. I miss her very much, especially over the holidays. Merry Christmas, Mom!

My 40th birthday present from DeLynn was such a suprise. I never imagined recieving a VW Bug for my birthday!  But this past year I lost her. She died a sad death. It was painful to see her burn up in front of my eyes. I miss riding around Costa Rica with her! 

Our first Christmas with Carmelinda was SO special. She was six months old and SO cute! I remember thinking a lot about Mary and how special it must have felt to be holding baby Jesus and caring for him. For the first time, I felt like I could understand a little more how she felt. I cherish the special memories I  have caring for Carmelinda as a baby. 

And now, 13 years later, we have another baby in our home, Dylan. It's fun having a baby in the house and we'll enjoy spending Christmas with him. He's a special little boy and I'm certain God has a special plan for his life. 

Carmelinda's middle name is JOY. This word fits her so well. Her life has brought us so much joy. But we've seen that not only has she brought us joy, but others have enjoyed her joy, as well. Before we left for Costa Rica, someone prayed over her saying, "I see a light and the light just keeps getting brighter and brighter." We've seen that unfolding in Carmelinda's life and we can't wait to see what God does with the JOY that is inside of her! 

This is an ornament my friend, Laura, made and gave me. I love it because it symbolizes what Christmas is all about. Jesus is my Lord and Savior and I'm SO grateful he would have come to this earth JUST for me! 

So these are just a few of my favorite ornaments that mean so much to me! I hope you enjoy looking at them like I do! Merry Christmas!

More Than I Could Ever Imagine

I was sitting in church, when I got a call from Katherine's mom that Katherine was having contractions. I knew it was for real this time. We had had some other scares before it was time, but I knew this was it! I was so excited and nervous at the same time. We decided to wait until church was over, go home and drop off DeLynn and Carmelinda and then I would go over to Katherine's parents house, where she was staying at the time, and take her to the hospital. 

I wasn't sure how all this was going to go. I knew, giving birth in a government hospital was much different than giving birth in a private hospital, and certainly totally different than giving birth in the States. I had accompanied Katherine on all her visits to the doctor at the clinic and also to her ultrasound appointments. The doctor wasn't necessarily just a gynocologist. They didn't seem to check everything that I was checked for when I had Carmelinda. But at the same time, they seemed to know what they were doing and talked about. But I hated when they (the doctors) sent us to other places to get blood drawn or other lab work done. That's when we had to take a whole day and wait in lines, all because it was govenment related. There were many times, I was thankful for private hospitals and wished everybody could afford them. 

Katherine had asked me if I could accompany her in the delivery room. I, of course, said YES! But at the same time, I wasn't sure if they would really let me, since the hospital seemed to be stricked and since I wasn't the mother or relative, I didn't get my hopes up. So I told God that I was willing to be used however HE wanted to use me. 

I got to Katherine's parents house and she was definitely having contractions. The problem was we didn't know how much she was dialated and we knew if she wasn't dialated enough they would send us back. Well, if we were to go back, it would take us at least 30-45 min, since the hospital was in San Jose. But we decided to take her to see what they had to say. On the way, we ran into traffic, lots of it, and it took us an hour to get to the hospital. Poor Katherine was in so much pain. I forgot how painful it was! It was about 10:30pm when we finally got to the hospital.

The emergency people took her right in. None of us were allowed to go in with her. So we waited and waited and waited. As we were waiting, I went outside and prayed for Katherine and her baby. I prayed that God would bless her with a nice doctor and nice nurses. I also spent some time reflecting on my own delivery. I remember what a wonderful experience it was for me. I also remember how excited my family was to meet Carmelinda, especially my mom. Oh how I wished she could see me now! She had prayed so many times for us to be able to have another child, but it didn't happen. Now, God was giving me the opportunity to experience childbirth in a way I never imagined. This was Gods answer to our prayers. I was not only gaining a daughter, but a baby (a grandson) as well! My heart was overjoyed. 

Carmelinda at three months

 Finally, she came out and said, they wouldn't admit her because she was only dialated 4 centimeters and she needed to be dialated 7 centimeters before they would admit her. We were all dissapointed. So we decided to return to our house since it was closer to the hospital. It was about 12:30pm. 

 At about 3:00, Katherine's water broke and we knew this time the hospital would admit her! She again went to the emergency room, while we waited and waited and waited some more! I felt so sorry for her since by this time she was in SO much pain and was all by herself! Finally, someone who worked in the ER came out and told us they were going to admit her. We were relieved. We waited some more. 

After a long while, they came out and said Katherine was asking for one of us.  I went back to be with her. I was so glad to see her and gave her a kiss and hug. It was time for them to take her to the second floor where she was going deliver (or so I thought). I followed behind as they took her by wheelchair. Suddenly, they stopped me by some desks and told me I needed to give Katherine's information to the man behind the desk. And just like that, Katherine was out of sight! I had no idea where she went! My heart sank. So I stayed, gave the information they needed and found a place to sit, where they told me to wait. I got a hold of Katherine's parents and told them to join me. So we all sat there and waited and waited and waited. We had no idea where Katherine was. I asked at the information desk if she was in the delivery room, and they said no. After a LONG while longer, they said Katherine was asking for someone again. They told me she was on the second floor in the maternity ward. 

As I walked through the maternity ward, I started experiencing a million emotions. I had never seen anything like this before. There were a lot of rooms filled with beds for each mother and baby. Probably 10 beds in each room. Some of the mothers had their babies with them and some of the mothers were waiting to have their babies. There were no fathers around or other support person. The mothers all wore the same color of hospital gown and their babies all wore the same baby outfit, as well. I felt like I was in a prison or something! 

I found where Katherine was. As I entered her room, there was a nurse who was giving instructions to the new mothers on how to give your baby a bath. These babies were less than 24hrs old. They were giving their babies baths on their beds, using soap, and a little bowl of water. And of course, the babies were all crying. It was a sight to see! Katherine said, the crying was not helping her. Poor Katherine! She told me she needed water, so I quickly went down stairs and got my water bottle and took it up to her. But I couldn't stay. I was so sad I had to leave her again. I gave her as much encouragment as I could and left. 

At about 7:30am, they called me and said it was time for Katherine to deliver her baby! So I went to the 2nd floor again and found her. By this time, she was in SO SO SO much pain. She hadn't been given any medication for pain, she was on her own! But hadn't cried and she wasn't screaming. I kept telling her how proud I was of her. I gave her a kiss as they wheeled her into the delivery room. They stopped me and told me to wait until they called me. So I waited again, except this time it wasn't too long. Then they came out and told me I needed to put on my hospital outfit on! I looked wonderful! 

I was SO excited.  By this time, I prayed that God would help me as I helped Katherine have her baby. Again, I wasn't sure what to expect. As I walked into the delivery room, there were a number of other expectant mothers laying on their beds, in pain. One heard groans, but no screaming or crying. Katherine had heard that if one makes noise, the nurses won't treat them nice. In government hospital, one just doesn't know what to expect.

 I found Katherine and held her hand. They were watching her closely. Every time a contraction would come, she squeezed my hand. As I stood beside her, I sang to her, I prayed outloud and just encouraged her. 

Waiting 

Finally, the time came when the doctor said, "it's time." After all that waiting and in so much pain, it was time to meet Dylan Samuel, the special name Katherine had picked out. 
They wheeled her into a private room. We were grateful for a kind doctor. The nurse wasn't so nice, but at least she wasn't with us too long. 

As I watched Katherine give birth, I couldn't believe all that I was experiencing. Wow! It was so beautiful. An experience I will never forget.  As I saw his head emerge and as his whole body came out and as he began to cry, I was so overwhelmed. Katherine began to cry.  At 8:14am, Dylan Samuel was born. He weighed 6.5 lbs. After his mother, I was priveledged to be the second one to hold him and welcome him into this world. Katherine held strong until the end. I was so proud of her. I was with them in the delivery room for about an hour or so until she was taken to the maternity ward again, where once again, I had to leave her. 

Less than an hr. after Dylan was born 

But during the hour I spent with them, it was so special. We admired everything about him and thanked God together for this wonderful gift. And by the way, I LOVE being a grandma!